How to take of poopy pants without making a huge mess

Sup­pose you have a child. A child which is going through that awk­ward phase known as “potty train­ing”. Now sup­pose that this child is hav­ing a bit of trou­ble with potty train­ing, espe­cially the poop-on-the-potty part of the whole process.

She will pee on the potty like the best of them, but poop… Poop is some­thing spe­cial, some­thing so rare and pre­cious it is best kept close at hand. Prefer­ably in the sleep­di­a­per, early in the morn­ing, keep­ing the night­time pee company.

But now sup­pose that by some wicked plan­e­tar­ial mumbo-jumbo voodoo magic the child shifts it’s poop-time from morn­ing to mid­day. When it is not wear­ing a dia­per, but Hello Kitty under­pants. And she, hav­ing per­fected the poop-where-you-are tech­nique, soils her pretty, pink polka-dotted under­pants. And herself.

Now what do you do? Beside mum­ble the Lord’s Prayer for Strength, Patience and a Stiff Shot of Vodka under your breath.

Here is a lit­tle tech­nique I have per­fected over these many, many potty train­ing weeks :

- Take her Poop­i­ness to the bath­room and put next to the bath.

- Take a clean plas­tic bag and fold it so that it will stay open with­out assis­tance, for you will be alone when you have to do this. Never mind that your mate was around when the poop­ing hap­pened, he is gone now. Van­ished. Sucked into a worm­hole. Hid­ing in the closet, vis­it­ing Narnia.

- Put the pooped-one into the bag. Yes, put the child into the bag. Yes, you read that right But of course leave the bag open!

- Gen­tly remove the poop-soiled clothes, what­ever is not to poopy you may toss in a pile and deal with later. Now focus on the kid.

- When you hit the final layer a.k.a the poop-holding Hello Kitty pants remove them gen­tly, wipe some of the poop with them as you move along. Slide gen­tly down the legs, try not to leave a poop mark. Let the pants drop on the feet.

- Lift la poopa­rina out of the bag and into the bath. Take the plas­tic bag con­tain­ing the offend­ing poop and the item-formerly-known-as-underpants, seal it by tying with a sailors knot.

- Clean up your child, hand her a fresh pair of Hello Kitty pants and let her free to run into the sun­set or into the next room to relate her mis­for­tune in great detail to her father.

- Take the bag with evi­dence and throw into the trash. Scrub your hands with bleach.


7 thoughts on “How to take of poopy pants without making a huge mess

  1. My 2 year old is train­ing now. She will pee on the potty all the time and is dry all day. She even woke me the other night to put her on the potty to pee. But…
    She has been poop­ing in the mid­dle of the night for a long time. It’s amaz­ing her bot­tom isn’t sore because most of the time I don’t dis­cover it until the morn­ing. But now her tim­ing is shift­ing and panties are being dirt­ied. I wish throw­ing them out was the solu­tion ’cause those things are nasty to wash. But I can’t afford it. :) I hope she catches on soon.

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